24 February 2006

Personal setback

Having been forced to return to my parents against my will, and being unable to move back out due to damaged credit (thanks to extended unemployment caused by discrimination), I am not in a situation where I can do things freely - like, taking estrogen pills which are essential for my physical and mental development.

My hormone pills were found back in August, and I haven't been able to take them regularly ever since; the best I could do was to take them only when I had some privacy. That meant erratic dosages and wild mood swings. In fact, I've been extremely fickle and upset for the past week.

I went to my nurse to discuss the situation, and he asked me to stop the hormones until I am able to take the pills daily. The swings are just too much, and destructive to my well-being.

So as of today, I am back to being a testosterone-based life form. My body will certainly not appreciate losing its feminization over the next several months, and my mind will not appreciate going back to male-pattern thoughts. And again, the worst thing is that I am not doing this out of my own choice; I am forced against my will. What did I do in my past life, to deserve being born into a family hailing from a primitive culture?

Perhaps the only silver lining out of this is that I will not lose my feminization completely, and that when I am ready again, I can definitely shoot back to my nurse and pick everything up more or less where I left off today.

Another plus is that my bankruptcy filing will be five years old later this year, which will make applying for apartments easier. Although a bankruptcy stays on my record for ten years, most apartments, to my knowledge, count only the last five years of credit. I should also have financial statements and bank statements documenting my income, and possibly an installment loan on a new car, strengthening my credit portfolio. (Speaking of the new car, once again, I will think long and hard before committing to another Catholic BMW, even though it does appear to be the best car available at my budget.)